behind the world

It seems that at this point in life, everyone is transitioning, becoming something different. all of my friends have new direction at this point, some are married or getting married, some are entering a career, most are finished or finishing college and deciding what they want in life. Ive just recently discovered that in some ways...you just can't fight a conventional way of living. I always say you don't NEED college, and I believe that, but only if you are a very dedicated person and you have an outline of what you want to do with your life. I am not that person.

I hate the idea of being forced to go to school only to learn things I will forget the moment I finish 4 years later, waste of time. 

I hate the idea of taking out a student loan I will be paying off well into my 30's or 40's

I also hate the idea of doing nothing with my life, which is what Ive been doing since the day I was born.

society dictates I pay an enormous amount I can't possibly afford for education, in the HOPES that I MAY find a job that pays good enough to pay off those loans and actually have money left over after rent, gas, bills etc.

 I wouldn't even consider a serious relationship until I had a stable income, a car, a place of my own etc. it only makes sense that I would need the ability to support another person. but that also means I will be alone until I have that. 

Im behind everyone I know in every way I can think of because I don't want to do things the way the world tells me I have to. but now I have to, even if it means being miserable, even if it means feeling like a slave, like I'm doing something pointless and stupid.

I have to do it because my dreams are too big to do nothing, and my talent is too small to do what I love. maybe before I die I can complete a dream or two, or at least find joy somewhere.