behind the world

It seems that at this point in life, everyone is transitioning, becoming something different. all of my friends have new direction at this point, some are married or getting married, some are entering a career, most are finished or finishing college and deciding what they want in life. Ive just recently discovered that in some ways...you just can't fight a conventional way of living. I always say you don't NEED college, and I believe that, but only if you are a very dedicated person and you have an outline of what you want to do with your life. I am not that person.

I hate the idea of being forced to go to school only to learn things I will forget the moment I finish 4 years later, waste of time. 

I hate the idea of taking out a student loan I will be paying off well into my 30's or 40's

I also hate the idea of doing nothing with my life, which is what Ive been doing since the day I was born.

society dictates I pay an enormous amount I can't possibly afford for education, in the HOPES that I MAY find a job that pays good enough to pay off those loans and actually have money left over after rent, gas, bills etc.

 I wouldn't even consider a serious relationship until I had a stable income, a car, a place of my own etc. it only makes sense that I would need the ability to support another person. but that also means I will be alone until I have that. 

Im behind everyone I know in every way I can think of because I don't want to do things the way the world tells me I have to. but now I have to, even if it means being miserable, even if it means feeling like a slave, like I'm doing something pointless and stupid.

I have to do it because my dreams are too big to do nothing, and my talent is too small to do what I love. maybe before I die I can complete a dream or two, or at least find joy somewhere.

short post

This is a short post.

hello again

not that anyone is reading this anymore (my fault for not posting anything) but here are some thoughts Ive been having.

Ive discovered that hawaii is pretty much the worst possible place on earth for a person like myself, in EVERY POSSIBLE WAY.....that is all.

hey I'm back!

ok, so the reason I haven't posted anything much is because, well, not much has been happening. I'm still looking for a job, though Ive applied for a couple and am still waiting for a response. I went through a few old pictures and realized that I take alot of sunset pictures, but most of them just sit there, and I never share them.  Maybe  the reasoning is that I feel as though I'm the only one who really appreciates them. appreciate them or not, but here they are:

life

I apologize for my lack of posts as of late. I've been having a difficult time sleeping, so I've been pretty out of it for the past few days.

have you ever been stuck in the same routine and you hate yourself for it, but you don't stop regardless?
thats me at the moment. I'm so indecisive that I will almost always end up just not making a decision on something and hoping it will work itself out...I would say about 99% of the time, It doesn't.

I hate long lists of questions, I hate pressure, and I hate when people don't have common sense. You can't do anything in life without dealing with all three of these things. getting a job, going to college, getting a drivers license, heck even dating require dealing with questions. pressure and stupid people. Some people see these obstacles and decide to overcome them, then feel great when they do. I see the problems ahead, and if I decide to overcome them, I feel exhausted and unaccomplished when the task is done, It almost never helps my emotional, spiritual, or mental well-being, and while it may help society to see me as more "normal" or gain some material things, who cares??? my own self is being eaten up in the process and slowly but surely becoming that grumpy old man who yells at kids all day.

This is what I would like to tell everyone who pressures me to do things, but then they tell me I'm a lowlife or I'm throwing my life away, or something along those lines. encouragement is helpful, "your a slob" does not. This is the way I think, Its not necessarily the way I act. I go against my own mind almost daily to accomplish meaningless tasks, and the things everyone else sees as easy, makes my brain automatically produce the hulk gene, I don't know why, but I basically have to go against everything my intuition tells me not to do in order to accomplish almost everything. strange as it may sound, If I were doing these same tasks for someone else who legitimately needed me to do them in order to help them, It would make them 10 times easier.

I'm at a period where the future is wide open, I have no idea what comes next. sure, I've got a plan, but plans change, situations change. I don't know what to do with my life right now and I feel like I just need to go...I don't know why, I just need to get off this island, get away from here, for good. The thought frightens me and yet It's all I can think about, leaving everything I know behind and just hoofing it. I don't wan't a rich life, I wan't an adventurous one. I would rather my grandchildren have stories than money. money is soon gone, stories last forever.

agreement

All different perspectives, walks of life, introverts, extroverts, those who lead happy lives and those who lead lives of tragedy, the evil, the good, the most righteous and the most heinous all agree on one thing and one thing only....

unfinished sentences are really annoying. 

barefoot hiking

As crazy as it sounds, its actually pretty fun, especially when you end up going on a 5 mile hike when you really thought it was 2...yeah, that happened.